.... USA....
The Truth About Tools
HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer
nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expen-
sive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.
MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the con-
tents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door;
works particularly well on boxes containing seats and
motorcycle jackets.
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel Pop
rivets in their holes until you die of old age, but it also
works great for drilling mounting holes in fenders just
above the brake line that goes to the rear wheel.
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the orig-
inal sin principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked,
unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence
its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is
available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding
heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting vari-
ous flammable objects in your garage on fire. Also handy for
igniting the grease inside a brake drum you're trying to get
the bearing race out of.
WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British
cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for imperson-
ating that 9/16" or 1/2" socket you've been searching for the
last 15 minutes.
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly
snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it
smacks you in the chest and flings your coffee across the
room, splattering it against that freshly painted part you
were drying.
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them
somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also
removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in
about the time it takes you to say, "Ouc...."
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a motorcycle to the
ground after you have installed your new front disk brake
setup, trapping the jack handle firmly under the front fender.
EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering a motor-
cycle upward off a hydraulic jack.
TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters.
HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer
nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expen-
sive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.
MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the con-
tents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door;
works particularly well on boxes containing seats and
motorcycle jackets.
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel Pop
rivets in their holes until you die of old age, but it also
works great for drilling mounting holes in fenders just
above the brake line that goes to the rear wheel.
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the orig-
inal sin principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked,
unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence
its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is
available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding
heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting vari-
ous flammable objects in your garage on fire. Also handy for
igniting the grease inside a brake drum you're trying to get
the bearing race out of.
WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British
cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for imperson-
ating that 9/16" or 1/2" socket you've been searching for the
last 15 minutes.
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly
snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it
smacks you in the chest and flings your coffee across the
room, splattering it against that freshly painted part you
were drying.
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them
somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also
removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in
about the time it takes you to say, "Ouc...."
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a motorcycle to the
ground after you have installed your new front disk brake
setup, trapping the jack handle firmly under the front fender.
EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering a motor-
cycle upward off a hydraulic jack.
TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters.
